I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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