just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
