ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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