i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hippo gnu deer
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
