Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
