as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
