Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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