u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
as a side note pls kill me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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