I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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