I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
