what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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