just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
