and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
