I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
