YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
