We're facebook friends in real life
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
