ya dads aren't the best wingmen
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
