How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
