she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
