You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
