it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
