Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
