you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
