she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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