My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
