Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.