apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.