chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
