Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
