Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you