i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
