another moral hangover. fuck.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
