Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
