i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
