he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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