Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
