My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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