we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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