this boner is exhausting
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
