Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
