I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
