I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
