I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
