All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
