Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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