My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
