so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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