we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
