I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He better not be in your backpack
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
