So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
