Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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