I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
