She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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