Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
