first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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