His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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