Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
