I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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