dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
