so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
