I think my fart just growled at me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My vagina just recognized that song.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
