Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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