I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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