I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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