Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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