I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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