kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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