Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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