i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
