It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
