break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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