1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
