Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
