someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
