I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
