worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh god it's open bar.
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