Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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