can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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