Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
