You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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